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| June 16, 2019

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Guest Postcards From Brighton: Rob Rouse - Fish Frightener

Guest Postcards From Brighton: Rob Rouse – Fish Frightener
Howard Gorman

The post just landed on the doormat and we’ve received a whole new bunch of guest postcards from Brighton. The first one is from Mr. Rob Rouse:

What are your top 5 things to do/ see in Brighton?

i) People watching. There are so many different ‘characters’ and interesting quirky folk in Brighton. I like nothing more than to blend into the background and just watch the passing show.

ii) Whenever I can, I like to swim around in the sea in my underpants. If the sea is closed, i.e. if it’s being cleaned or something, I simply swim in the aquarium.

iii) After I’ve had a swim in the sea, I like to go to the aquarium, but I hate it when there’s someone swimming around one of the tanks in their pants. I totally hate that, it shouldn’t be allowed

iv) I always enjoy straightening the rifle barrels on the rifle ranges on the pier. It’s fairly easy, all you need is a blast furnace to heat the metal up, an anvil and a laser guided straight edge.

v) I enjoy taking my angle grinder to the Dolphin Derby, to release the Dolphins from their shackles. Then I simply throw them back into the sea. I think it’s a very cruel sport and shouldn’t be encouraged.

Which is your favourite bar?

It’s tucked away, but there’s a little place called ‘Wetherspoon’s‘. I go there to mingle with other like minded ‘high flyers’, ‘venture capitalists’ and ‘business moguls’.

What about your favourite restaurant?

Last time I went to Brighton I found this amazing restaurant called ‘Sainsbury’s‘. There’s loads to choose from and its self-service, but on the downside a lot of the food is raw, so do check before you eat it. You may also find it handy to take a ‘tin opener’ with you to get some of the foods out of the metal tubs.

Tell us a shop you love and what have you bought there?

Where to start? Tootling through Brighton’s cobbled streets, I did stumble upon an amazing little shop called ‘Boots‘ where they literally sell everything from chewing gum to insoles! While I was in there I bought some dry skin cream – because I do get dry skin. I think they probably have to treat the water in the aquarium with something, which may well exacerbate my problem.

Tell us a little story – What’s your funniest, weirdest or happiest Brighton experience?

Last time I did the festival, in a part of my show, I described in quite intimate detail how me and my now wife had been trying for our second baby. It was a funny and heartfelt routine, but obviously was quite detailed and intimate about our respective bits and bobs. Half way through I remembered that my wife’s brother was sat a couple of rows back.

“Aaaarrrrggghhhh!” I thought.

He took it very well though and definitely saw the funny side, because he hasn’t allowed me into his house since and has cut off all contact. He’s such a practical joker…

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