Sofie Hagen's Comedy Crush #1 Damian Clark
Damian Clark is an Australian stand-up comedian who supported Kevin Bridges on his latest tour. Damian prefers tea over coffee, brunettes over blondes (good choice, Dam-o!), summer over winter and he thinks that nothing beats a good night of relaxation on the couch. He’s an all-round good guy.
I arrived fashionably too early to check the place out that Damian had picked. Nordic Bar, a Scandinavian restaurant in Central London. I looked at the menu and it felt like home. Clever move Dam-o. Damian was just on time and brought with him drinks and a glass of M&Ms, immediately scoring five out of five stars.
So, why did you chose this place?
You’re from Denmark, so I just googled ‘Danish bar’ and this came up. Also I know you like comedy and apparently this bar has comedy starting up soon. With Google you can find a place that’s perfect for whoever.
Describe the perfect date?
It should be a montage. We’d start by going to a café, then go the movies, a museum, then go go-carting and end up taking silly pictures in a photobooth… A good mix of chilled out and active. It should be like in the movies, where you see them do everything together and at the end you see them go “That was a nice day!” and you’re like “Day?! That must have taken a month.”
I’m good at dates. I’m good at asking questions, because I want to know about them. I already know about them. Obviously, this is the other way around, because you’re asking the questions and I have to answer. They say that women like a man with a bit of mystery – I don’t think so. I think women just like a man to shut up.
What do you look for in a woman?
Boobs. Great ass. Eyes. Not that they have to have eyes… Well, yeah, they have to have eyes, but they don’t have to work. The first thing I noticed about my wife was her eye and smile.
… and how about personality?
What? Women have personalities? Oh. I thought we were talking superficially. I think you can look at people’s eyes and smile and see what kind of person they are.
Would the woman have to think that you were funny?
My wife doesn’t think I’m that funny. She’s very critical and I love that. It keeps me grounded. The most important thing in a relationship is laughing together, so it’s important.
Which pick-up lines do you use?
I would always try to guess their middle name. It wasn’t a pick-up line, but it was something fun. My wife said ‘P’ and that really stumbled me. It was just a half an hour of me going ‘Penelope? Philipa?’ and her saying ‘No’. At the end I went: ‘Pineapple’. It’s a fun game because most people have middle names and you never use them.
Okay, Karen? Kristen? Kirsten? Kylie? Kassandra with a K? Kathy? Katrine?
Yes! Does that mean we’re getting married now?
What’s the thing about you that she has to put up with?
I have three bad points. First of all, I’m terrible at getting up in the morning. Give me until lunch-time. Before that, I’m still waking up. Second of all, I hate cooking. I’ll do it, but I’ll hate it. I’ll clean up though. You cook and I’ll clean. The third one is that I’m OCD’ish. I really like to have things clean, but mostly so that I can be messy. I’m clean but not tidy.
The most romantic thing you’ve ever done?
In Melbourne I was dating a girl working in a beauty salon. I booked three hours with her and showed up in a suit and tie with red roses. I booked myself in with the name Jason Fuddrucker. Her friends hadn’t seen me before, so they were whispering, “Who’s the creep?” but then when she saw me, she was so happy. We went out the back and out to dinner.
What is your opinion on the position of the toilet seat?
Always down. The lid and everything. That screws both men and women over. Seat AND lid. And then there’s no argument. We all have to lift something up.
So how do you think this date has been?
I’ve done too much of the talking. Let’s get another drink and then I can ask you questions now?
Splendid idea, Damian. Thank you for a lovely date and M&Ms. I’d definitely be losing sleep over you, if you weren’t married.
To see Damian Clark perform, go to http://www.chortle.co.uk/comics/d/2935/damian_clark to see his shows in the future.
Or follow @DamianClark on Twitter.