John Dredge's Dictionary
Comedy Chords will be publishing exclusive extracts from the forthcoming book by strangely odd comedian John Dredge in the coming weeks.
Today, it’s the letter A.
The Acrocanthosaurus was the most difficult to spell of all the dinosaurs. It had a very big head, often speaking about itself in glowing terms. This put a lot of other dinosaurs off, along with the fact that it tried to eat them. Experts believe it weighed 6 tons although as it broke all weighing machines that were around at the time this is hard to prove. Slightly smaller than the Massiveosaurus, in terms of sheer size it was still huge, according to leading Hugeologists. The Acrocanthosaurus, or ‘Acorcanthisauras’ as it is often wrongly spelt, lived on a varied diet of animals, trees, and everything else. It was also partial to prehistoric ketchup, now found in Harvester restaurants.
The alphabet has been with us for many years, some would say even more. It involves letters such as K, H and C, although not in that order. The alphabet can be very handy when attempting to use words such as ‘bromide’ or ‘Chepstow.’ It first became prevalent in olden times, which included not only 4.53pm but also 3.22am(citation needed). Without inventions such as this, Alphabet Soup would almost certainly have never have come about. The pictured alphabet is a later edition as it is in colour.
Astronauts are members of NASA (National Association of Some Astronauts) and can clearly be identified by the fact that they are in space. Once up there, however, they tend to just sit around (see picture). The first man on the moon brought back a large quantity of astroturf, which was later used at sporting events and other tedious endeavours. In order to qualify for a NASA mission, trainees must be able to sit through every episode of Star Trek without major brain malfunction. Astronauts beam up and down, although beaming sideways is a less popular and more uncomfortable option. If you have a spaceship, perhaps you should think about becoming an astronaut in the future.
Keep up to date with John’s latest news and also catch up on everything you’ve missed so far on his 404 Funny website here.