Loretta Maine won ‘most’ of our hearts last Christmas as she captivated us with her duet Happy Goddamn Christmas with Matt Roper. Fresh from a plethora of dates across the comedy clubs of Britain, Loretta now brings her new songs, new tales and new pain to the Soho Theatre, London until the 16th of March. Featuring tracks like “These Ain’t My Tits” and the world famous “Chicken Shop” what more do you need to know to be enticed into grabbing a ticket. We managed to have a chat with her to find out if she really does know that much about chicken and if she’s ready to tackle a surfboard at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival…
Why did you decide to pick up and move over here? Was it hard breaking into the US entertainment industry?
NoOnE wOUld LiSteN To ME OVEr TheRe! I couLdn’T BelieVE iT. I aM aMAzinG! aLso mY TheraPisT saiD iT wouLd bE goOd tO moVe soMEwheRe wiTh tighTer GuN coNTrOL.
I hear you feel much more at home in the UK because we like our dark stuff. Why do you think Brits get off on all this dismay?
BecauSe ThE sUn doEsn’T ShiNe HerE. DarK hUmOR WoRkS foR BriTs anD EskIMoS. ArE yOu aLLoWeD tO caLL thEm thaT? AlSo BriTisH PeoPlE HaTe TheMseLVeS So AnyOne WhO HateS theMselVes MoRE ThaN theM iS Ok BY theM.
What inspires the lyrics to your songs? I have read that Eastenders plots play a very important role.
PaiN, driNk anD MasOOd. I LoVE MasOOd. HoW coULd ZaInAB LEaVe HiM? ShE MusT havE goT a ParT iN a PlaY oR SomEthING.
Last December you released the song Happy Goddamn Christmas with a good friend of ours Matt Roper. It got right up to number 6 on the iTunes UK Comedy Charts. How did you meet Matt and are you as infatuated with him in real life as you appear in the video?
LeT’S gEt OnE thINg StraIGhT, MATt RoPEr Is a CliT TeasE. He waS aLL LikE “If We makE THis VidEo wE caN TotaLLy hoOk uP afTEr” anD theN foR Some REasON He moVEd To IndiA. I seEm tO havE thaT affEcT On MEn. My LasT BoyFriEnd MovEd to HeavEn.
This leads me to my next question. Could I ask you why Matt issued a restraining order against you?
HeY If My preSEncE Is FrightEninG to HiM aT 2aM ouTsiDE HIs WinDOW theN thaT is His proBLEM noT MinE
So you’re performing in London, followed up by a trip down under to the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. What can people expect from your show compared to your Fringe show?
A BeTTeR screEn foR ProjEctIONs anD a ShoRteR skiRt.
So you’re heading over to Melbourne too. I imagine you’ll be pleased to hear that Chardonnay comes from that part of the world.
I lOvE CharDoNNay. The YeLLoWeR thE BetTeR.
Also, have you ever been surfing? Your music certainly has has an edge of surfer sound… for the surfer girls, obviously…
NoPE. I WouLD RaTHEr bE thE GirL iN thE biG haT WhinINg abOUt WhY We havE to Go To ThE BEaCh anYwaY.
And what do you want audiences to walk away with when they leave your shows?
BleEdinG earDrumS, a WaRm soUl anD thaT feeLinG of “WeLL aT LeasT I’m nOT aS fUCkED uP as HeR”
You recently wrote some rather unique health tips to help us live longer for Spoonfed. First question regarding that. What makes Pimms a superior nightcap to a hot chocolate or Horlicks?
It waRmS thE CoCKlEs aND knoCKS yOU RighT Out. And YoU havE to BruSh your TeEtH aFteR thE OthEr tWo.
The other point you were strong about is that chicken is the best source of protein and you have been heard saying that you know the names of all the chicken shops in the UK. The recent horsegate scandal must have shocked you to say the least and what actions have you taken to ensure your chicken cravings are put to rest with 100% chicken?
I mEaN, THis qUEStiON ShOwS YoUR NAiviTy wHEn It coMEs To FrieD ChicKEn. aNy SelF-REspEcTiNG ChiCKEn eaTEr iS awaRe thaT iT iS RaRElY 100% puRe ChICkEN. I oNCe FoUnD a BiT oF PiGEoN iN My 1.99 BoX oF FuN. If YoU baTtEr It, IT tasTEs GoOd WhatEvEr the BeasT
One final question I’m sure many have wondered for quite some time. Is Pimms to blame for your typing method or is it down to something else?
WHaT TyPINg MEthOd? WhaT yOU chaTTinG aBouT? JEeZ. JouRnaLIStS
You can catch Loretta’s hour of amazing sexy woe by getting your tickets here. We’ll be chatting to her again soon to find out all about her adventures at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.